After days of soul searching, I'm back. That's right. Maybe some of you didn't notice, but I've taken some time off. But now I'm back and it's typin' time. Hey...that was funny. You know what else is funny? "Icetober", get it? It's not quite October, it's Icetober. See? I replace the "Oct" with "Ice". That makes it funny. If you don't think that's funny, then you've spent your entire life fulfilling Satan's every wish. But enough of that, on with BRAINS.

You know, there's been a lot of talk about terrorism these days, and well, people have a right to talk about terrorism after September 11th. But the public has been overlooking something even more important than America's war on terrorism. You know what that is? Fruit. No Jimmy, you're not dreaming, I did in fact say fruit. Did anyone know that there's a large variety of fruit ranging from bananas' to apples, from pairs to pineapples, watermelon to dogs, cherries to strawberries? Then the things that people do with these fruits is even more astonishing. For example, I recently saw on the shelf of a grocery store a jug of fluorescent colored liquid called "orange juice". Okay, I know what an orange is, I know that much. But what in the blue hell is "juice"? I went ahead and purchased a gallon of this awkward liquid. When I returned home, I poured a small amount of it into a glass and tasted it. This was the worst thing I've ever tasted in my entire life. It tasted like feces with a tang. But that's probably because I hate oranges...

Bears. Does anyone else think that bears are underrated? Well they are. If I could have it my way, every one of my friends would be a bear, and I would make them battle to the death in a spectacular "Bear Battle Royal". I would then award the winner of the battle royal by giving it a championship belt, thus making it the first ever holder of the brand new and prestigious World Bear Title. Then I would make the bear defend his title against UFC fighting sensation Ken Shamrock. Ha, then we’ll really see who the tough guy is around here.

I’ve noticed that no one these days is talking about brains, and their fury. Many people don’t know it, but brains have a lot of fury. In fact these brains like to store their fury in large containers called "olxphens". Occasionally, these olxphens will burst from the dangerously high amounts of fury stored in them. This is when human scientists can get their hands on the fury, otherwise if they try to get it while it’s in the olxphen, they’ll be shot mercilessly by the vulcan machine gun turrets that the brains have mounted around their "brain-base". When the scientists do get a hold of the fury, they take it into their labs, dissect the fury, analyze it, then convert it into... electri. . . FLOAM.

I’m going to end this article on a furious note -- I like flowers, and they like me, and when the time is right, I will eat their might.

Answer Wizard


Brains II

Brains I



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