BASTARD

Well as you all know the Chinese holiday Christmas is coming up and you all are bastards. That's right, bastards. Why are you all bastards? Well, it's simple. For example, if a bird eats a pinapple, then it's a bastard. Now, on to the column.

What's with this damn election? Who's gonna win? Why do we even need a president? Why can't we just have a king? A king would work out much better. America could run under a dictatorship. If we were to have a king, it should be Mel Gibson. King Gibson. That sounds cool. And instead of having people in the military, there should be grizzly bears. The grizzly bears would be armed with giant sticks. Yeah, that sounds cool.

> Australia. What does Australia do for anyone? I mean, it just sits there. I say we raid Australia with the grizzly bears and overthrough the current king of Australia. Then we would rename it BAAZKON. And while we're renaming stuff, America should be renamed POWERFUL DESTINY.

Rodney Dangerfield. This guy has a lot of potential to do somethin. I say that we find out some way to make Dangerfield 7 times the size that he is now. Then he could be the official "beast" of POWERFUL DESTINY.

Gun Control. I think that all the good guys should be given guns so that if any bad guys try to shoot the good guys, the good guys could shoot the bad guys back. And there would also be a holiday when people shoot their guns off in random directions to celebrate the birth of Adolf Hitler.

I think that the Lincoln Memorial should be torn down and replaced with a LADDER..LEADING ALL THE WAY UP....TO BARBED WIRE.

Instead of guns, police men should be given long pieces of phome to subdue criminals.

Well that's it for today's column you dirty sons of bitches. Come back later to check for more updates.