Well, George W. Smith is our new president. People have different opinions about this, as we know, but the decision is final. Christmas has just passed, and Santa has committed mass genocide at the north pole. He had Spanish immigrants put his elves up against a wall, and blow them away with a barrage of rifle fire. But that's old news. That's unimportant. I know what you want to know about.

The Bird Story. Well, we had a representative of DevInc. go the secret military installation in Nevada, and sneak in the back door. He tip toed into the storage room, and found some very disturbing photographs, and Information. Here's an excerpt from one of the documents.

"12/22/00

TOP SECRET CLASSIFIED INFORMATION

The bird is out. Our plan failed horribly. We had our missiles set up, and our tanks were ready. A flying object was spotted on radar, and we instantly fired with all we had. Most of our missiles ran straight into office buildings, causing many casualties. We had out planes fire their air-to-air napalm missiles, but many of those missed, too. More casualties. The death toll was unheard of. We gave it all we had, and in some instances, sacrificed our own, to fire faster. One courageous man, drove his tank into the flames, to aquire a lock on the target. He did fire one shot, but it smashed into a radar tower on top of a building, which tumbled down off the building, and through the roof of a supermarket, crushing several civillians. The heat in the tank was too much, and the man died. The bird made no offensive attempts whatsoever, and was off our radar in 3 minutes, 28 seconds. We don't know if we hit the target, as all of our fire disrupted our radar. All in all, this was a massive mistake. There are SR-71 search planes searching the entire globe, trying to find some trace of the bird. We will update you when we know more. Here are some statistics.
TOTAL DAMAGE COST: $13,476,109
TOTAL CASUALTIES: 17,307
Our entire mission can be summed up in one word. Oops. We'll send you more intelligence as it is recieved"

There you have it, we'll post the pictures soon. See you soon.