Today, I'll sum up the crap thats been going on. I'm sure you've heard about this, as it's been on all of the stations and newspapers, but for those of you who don't know, I'll give it to you here. The United states has engaged in a war against ourselves. The was is about the issue of slavery, and the south wants to keep it. Experts are calling it "The Civil War". There are rumors that President Lincoln's house was attacked by indians as well, asking for all of his Pork. It is unknown why they want pork at this time. But more importantly, the United States is in a crisis. The "Bird" has been on a rampage all over the country lately. Here's an excerpt from an extremely reliable news source, "Georgie News".

"You have probably heard about the horrid crisis involving a bird that was sighted in Washington. Needless to say, the military surrounded it. After extensive research, it has been determined by our top scientists that the bird had attempted to migrate south. Luckily, the SAM sites (Surface to Air Missiles) shot the bird from the sky. Observers watched and waited as the bird erupted into flames and hot coals. When the ash settled, the bird had disapeared. Scientists suspect that the bird used some sort of advanced technology to "Warp". Unfortunately, it has been determined that the bird is extremely powerful. Scientists estimate it is headed toward L.A. to wreak havoc. Government officials have evacuated L.A. and set up a large military force there. This time, they're prepared."

As you can see, this is a very serious matter. We'll keep you posted as we receive developments.

Another story I thought I'd address is that an angry mob went on rampage today, setting fires and rioting. These individuals thought they were above the law, but apparently were not. They were arrested and sentenced to death. We thought it was pretty damn funny.

And on that note, this concludes today's news. See you next time.

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