Today, I'll sum up the crap thats
been going on. I'm sure you've heard about this, as it's been on
all of the stations and newspapers, but for those of you who
don't know, I'll give it to you here. The United states has
engaged in a war against ourselves. The was is about the issue of
slavery, and the south wants to keep it. Experts are calling it
"The Civil War". There are rumors that President
Lincoln's house was attacked by indians as well, asking for all
of his Pork. It is unknown why they want pork at this time. But
more importantly, the United States is in a crisis. The
"Bird" has been on a rampage all over the country
lately. Here's an excerpt from an extremely reliable news source,
"Georgie News".
"You have probably heard
about the horrid crisis involving a bird that was sighted in
Washington. Needless to say, the military surrounded it. After
extensive research, it has been determined by our top scientists
that the bird had attempted to migrate south. Luckily, the SAM
sites (Surface to Air Missiles) shot the bird from the sky.
Observers watched and waited as the bird erupted into flames and
hot coals. When the ash settled, the bird had disapeared.
Scientists suspect that the bird used some sort of advanced
technology to "Warp". Unfortunately, it has been
determined that the bird is extremely powerful. Scientists
estimate it is headed toward L.A. to wreak havoc. Government
officials have evacuated L.A. and set up a large military force
there. This time, they're prepared."
As you can see, this is a very
serious matter. We'll keep you posted as we receive developments.
Another story I thought I'd
address is that an angry mob went on rampage today, setting fires
and rioting. These individuals thought they were above the law,
but apparently were not. They were arrested and sentenced to
death. We thought it was pretty damn funny.
And on that note, this concludes
today's news. See you next time.
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