As we all know the great holiday of Christmas is coming where everything is about receiving rather than giving.  And it is also about getting time off school.  But this is going to be about what everyone wants.  This is Travis' 2000 top Christmas Gifts picks:

First on my list is this thing they call the PS2 or if you don't know the Playstation 2 or its real and hidden name, PeopleStuffing 2.  The basic component of this is that it is a plastic box in which the gods from Sony have entrapped millions and millions of little people into the plastic box, and they are the people who run the system.  Then the people are supposedly are projected through some wires on to the TV.  Now this is just a breakthrough in miniature people stuffing into a box technology.  If you have someone you dislike this a must get for them otherwise your money is best spent somewhere else.  Final Grade: C+

Second is a similar system to the PS2, which is known as the DVD player.  Now this system is just a parallel to the PS2, but remarkably worse.  Not only do they not give you a controller with useless buttons, but also there aren't millions of people stuffed into a box.  Instead of millions they give you only one guy who continuously fights himself, thus the name DVD (Dick VS Dick).  Now this is ridiculous and the most absolute worst product on the market.  It is a must have buy it for everyone in the family.  Final Grade: F-

Third is an old time favorite of mine and it is making a big comeback this year.  It is what is known as the Bag-O-Glass.  This product was very large in the 70's, but the corporation had some lawsuit against them.  But now the company known as Hasbrot has decided to bring it back.  This is composed of a bag of glass, which is shattered, but what makes this product worth the $59.95 is that each shard of glass is hand made from a real sweatshop.  But that's not the only thing, the sweatshop is right here in America, so you know its made with American quality.  This product is so great that it will take you to your grave and then it can be passed on for generation after generation.  This is must have any kid who doesn't have this product will be tortured and enslaved until they buy this absolute must have product.  Final Grade: A++

The last product on my review is a collector's edition piece of uranium, which is actually stolen from a real nuclear explosive.  Not only does this give off a nice greenish-yellow glow, but it is hazard free (ignore all those rumors about radiation, it's not true).  The good thing is that since it is Christmas time you can get this product for close to nothing, $799.99, that's a true 50% discount of the regular price. It is also a family product, on Friday nights the whole family can sit around the table starring at the piece while you absorb the goodness of the greenish glow. Parents don't have to worry at all because the kids will be inside the whole time playing with the uranium.  It is also educational, this will inspire kids to become nuclear specialists when they grow up.  So, this is a must have product no matter what if your kids don't have this they will not only be tortured but also possible tar and feathering.  So go and buy it now.  Final Grade: A- 

This is based on a very accurate scale with a 100% possible margin of error because if you don't trust me, Travis, then who you gonna trust.

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