Devastation Studios: So George, how’s it going?

George Washington: Not bad, not bad. You?

DS: Good, good…so, what’ve you been up to lately?

GW: Well you know, same old stuff. There’s not a lot to do when you’re dead.

DS: Yeah, that’s true…Well, I guess the question on everybody’s mind is what made you think to create the United States?

GW: This is a question I get asked all the time. And you know, I still don’t have a great answer. The truth is, I was just having a drink, and I thought “Hey…United States”, and the rest, as they say, is history.

DS: I know how that is. I sometimes get drunk and make up countries too…or beat my wife. What was your inspiration for writing the Declaration of Independence?

GW: It was really more of a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, you know? I was just thinking of what I could do to justify the creation of the United States, and I figured a bunch of long words in fancy cursive would be difficult to argue against.

DS: And so it has been. Was being president difficult?

GW: No, not really.

DS: Care to elaborate?

GW: Well, there really isn’t a lot to say, except it was really a blow off job, you know?

DS: A lot of people think that’s a very important job, actually.

GW: It is, I just didn’t feel like doing anything.

DS: Do you feel that you did a good job?

GW: I guess. My heart wasn’t really into it. One common misconception about the job is that it was always similar to how it is today. I was actually the Royal Majesty of the United States (King). I ordered the executions of thousands, probably millions of people in the chambers.

DS: Chambers?

GW: Yeah, the torture chambers. It’s a complex system of tunnels under the White House leading to numerous rooms build specifically for torturing people for my enjoyment.

DS: Do you think –

GW: Hey man, do you want any of this? It’s good shit. Best dealer in the state.

DS: No thanks, I don’t do ecstasy.

GW: Suit yourself.

DS: Is there anything you would change about your reign if you could?

GW: I probably wouldn’t have ordered the execution of my family, because they (my kids specifically) were my heirs. That’s why that Jefferson guy got in. But then again, watching them squirm was really a sight to behold.

DS: Yeah, I know what you mean, the rush I got when I stabbed my…er…garden…Hey, what do you think was your greatest achievement?

GW: Probably getting hooked on ecstasy.

DS: What do you think your future holds?

GW: Well, I’ve been working on a time machine lately actually; I think it’ll be done around Christmas 2005. Mark your calendars kids, this’ll be one for the ages! (pun intended)

DS: Well, it has been my pleasure. Hope to talk again soon, hopefully to promote the Time Machine. Thanks again George.

GW: What? Where am I?

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