Strongar
- ‘Shar Kassai
The Great Serpent: Part 3
If you have not read Part 1 or Part 2, do so before reading Part 3.
“Wenches! I demand wenches!” the Great Serpent shouted. He lay on a golden throne, wearing a silk coat covered in jewels. Two knights entered the room dragging a woman in tattered clothes, kicking and screaming up the crimson carpet towards the Serpent. “Well hello there” he said. “How would you like to be my concubine tonight?”
Suddenly the door burst open. A fat, bearded man holding a wand stood in the doorway. He shouted “That’s my wife!” and pointed his wand at the Great Serpent. The Great Serpent laughed heartily, and commanded his knights to attack. The fat man was surprisingly nimble, dodging the swords, doing somersaults in mid-air, doing the splits in mid air while doing a backwards somersault, and so on. Eventually he was positioned between the two knights who had their swords drawn. They each lunged, plunging their swords right into his heart… but they continued forward, through his body. They lost control and slipped, and plunged their swords into each other’s chests. They fell to the ground in a heap. The fat man re-appeared at the doorway. “Hologram!” he shouted.
He took a few steps forward. The Serepent stood up and narrowed his eyes. He picked up his sceptre and stood between the fat man and his wife. The fat man screamed and charged.
The ensuing battle was back and forth, but eventually the Serpent gained the advantage. He got the fat man pinned to the ground and asked “Any last words?” The fat man pointed his wand at the top of the serpent’s head and the serpent’s skin peeled off like a banana, revealing a man in a yellow raincoat. There was several seconds of silence, and then the man in the raincoat began to cackle.
“We killed the serpent in the alley, no one could survive that barrage of punches. But we saw an opportunity - if we removed his skin and used it to pose as him, we could rally support behind our cause and ultimately rise to great power. And now you will die!”
His eyes widened and his grin quickly turned to a frown. He twitched several times before falling to his knees. Behind him, the fat man’s wife stood with part of the broken armrest from the throne still in her hand. The other half of the armrest was deeply embedded into the fisherman’s neck. She ran to her husband and they embraced.
The fat man looked around, back at the fisherman, and down at the skin. A sinister grin crossed his face. “What do you think, Wanahanakukouha?” Wanahanakukouha narrowed her eyes and grinned, while clasping her hands together in an evil-looking fashion. It was time for a new king. A king who is fatter and more tyrannical than ever before!
- Kent Wicklander
The Great Serpent: Part 2
If you have not read Part 1, do so before reading Part 2.
This was not the first anti-serpent hate crime, but it was the one that brought the discrimination into the national spotlight. This serpent re-focused his life on his career as a politician, determined to correct the inequality and reverse the hatred that had led to his attack. He abandoned his dark sunglasses and toothpick, instead opting to get a neat, $500 haircut and wear nice suits.
It could be said that he was actually too successful. Instead of removing the hatred, he actually did reverse the hatred. This led to sea serpents from all around the world coming out of the ocean and joining the cause, most of whom were drunk. They had no intention of waiting for change to happen through protest marches and petitions however, which was a good decision on their part because due to their drunkenness, they were unable to form coherent thoughts to persuade anyone. Instead they took it (and crowbars) into their own hands to make it happen.
The sea serpent revolution was a violent (and drunken) one. They spread across the nation, crowbars in hand, and to set an example, they did not discriminate in who they attacked. Women, children, the elderly, pets, it was all fair game to them. Kneecaps were broken, ribcages were shattered, brains were eaten. The serpents took over the nation with their overwhelming numbers after mere weeks.
The great serpent was appointed the King of America, and his administration was not a merficul one. Clowns were forced to tapdance at gunpoint for his amusement, all food was replaced with horse hooves and frog eyes, and people were forced into the coal mines to dig for unicorn horns, while being yelled at by robots. It wasn’t long before the newly oppressed human race began to forget all of their original differences and band together to form a plan to revolt and re-take their country. Fortunately, since most humans are closet sorcerers, they had magic on their side.
- Kent Wicklander
