Extreme Shuffleboarding Bread Monster
Obviously this man needs no introduction, but I’ll give him one anyway. Qargyse is a world-renowned shuffleboard player responsible for making the sport the most popular sport in the world. If you asked around ten years ago if shuffleboard qualified as “extreme”, most people would disagree, but today, it is the single most extreme sport in the world – after all, in what other sport do half of the athletes die in every game?
I know you know all of this, but what you probably DON’T know is that Qargyse is actually made of discarded half-eaten sandwich bread found in garbage bags. The only reason he is alive is because a drunken scientist was attempting to redeem himself after falsely predicting the end of the world on several different occasions due to persistent drunkenness.
You don’t hear much about drunk scientists, but as it turns out they have some pretty strange ideas. Qargyse is the first in what he hopes will be his army of garbage. His plan was to infiltrate every facet of society with his garbage creatures – film, music, sports, politics, art, witchcraft, dominos, tree-climbing, grease-eating, etc.
That last one probably stood out a bit – grease eating – and that’s because it’s a new competition that the drunken scientist is working on. Qargyse is the first prototype, being able to “eat” 50 pounds of grease in a single sitting. A strange goal for a scientist to be sure, but who are you to deny him his dream?
- Kent Wicklander
Thank God there’s no plans to infiltrate the world of potholing. We can hide from the army of garbage in the caves!
Great eating monsters will be welcome at fine dining establishments everywhere.
I do believe I know several people who could eat 50 pounds of grease at a sitting, and they look as though it wouldn’t be the first time. I think you’ll find Qargyse has been self-replicating. Or interbreeding with scientists?
Garbage in the caves? what about the bears? we all know that bears like to use garbage to create garbage armor for themselves.
And yes, monsters are and will continue to be welcome at fine eating establishments. At least the ones that I go to. I think that thanks to Martin Luther King Jr. we as a society are beyond monster discrimination.
It is well known that scientists frequently breed with their creations - this is likely because their creations are the only companionship that they have, and even if they are garbage monsters, it is the only love they will ever have. So yes, Qargyse in all likelihood mated with a scientist and laid a few hundred eggs. Those people that you speak of are likely from one of those eggs.
cqOX6S Excellent article, I will take note. Many thanks for the story!