Urnolk’s Relationship with the Paparazzi

Urnolk is a mythical serpent creature that has lived for many thousands of years in the deepest darkest reaches of the ocean. This is principally because he is very shy and isn’t interested in alerting paparazzi about his presence. He already had to wear sunglasses when he went out to the grocery store so as to not be noticed, and the prospect of being hounded by photographers looking to get an embarrassing shot of him drunkenly throwing a TV out the window was not on his “to do” list.

He honestly had no real need to be known anyway, because he made plenty of money off of residuals from the infamous Loch Ness Monster photo. Nevertheless, his agent kept calling him about great new job opportunities, some of which were truly “once-in-a-lifetime” jobs, and it’s been always a hard decision for Urnolk. It was getting more and more difficult to stay committed to his life out of the limelight when he was getting offers to do cameo appearances on “How I Met Your Mother”, or tour with the B-52’s.

Urnolk’s wife had been adamantly against him exiting the shadows and becoming a public figure because she was extremely fat and didn’t want anybody to make fun of her, but their daughter had been excited about the potential stardom and riches. His daughter, Fernburns, decided one evening to sneak out and talk to the Wall Street Journal about Urnolk and the potential exposure for their family. Ultimately this act forced him out into the limelight, and he became one of the hottest stars in the world overnight.

He was immediately contacted by the producers of “Grey’s Anatomy” for a recurring role as a French neurosurgeon and the simultaneous romantic interest of all of the female characters on the program. As this was all being arranged, he was a guest on the Tonight Show and Jay Leno offered to make Urnolk the godfather of his children. As of this writing, Urnolk is slated to star in a buddy cop movie with Eddie Murphy to be released in early 2010. We will attempt to keep you all updated about Urnolk’s progress.

- Kent Wicklander