Morbus Meets Oprah

Morbus Flenderson works as a professional flag-raiser at several fast-food restraints that happen to have flagpoles outside the buildings. He walks from place to place each day, raising flags up the poles at each location. It’s not a particularly fulfilling job in general, but one day, he met someone who would change his life. Her name was Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah had just ordered 16 Big Macs at the local McDonalds and was exiting the drive-thru when she saw Morbus out of the corner of her eye. She pulled over and asked him his name. She was immediately fascinated with Morbus, and decided to feature him on her program in a 30 minute interview segment. He was introduced by his middle name, Dr. Phil.

The interview went well for the first 20 minutes, But Oprah made a critical mistake after that point. She brought out a 32 gallon jug of dead spiders and asked Morbus to eat them. This was a regular segment in her show at this point, but she was unaware that Morbus had quite a history with spiders. When his mother gave birth to him, she put him up for adoption. He was adopted by an entomologist who put him in a small glass enclosure with around 400 spiders. He lived there for the first 30 years of his life, never being granted permission to leave until he inexplicably received a full scholarship to Harvard. Needless to say, what was normally a routine segment turned into a disaster as Morbus began screaming and strangling Oprah.

Of course, while Oprah was hospitalized after the show, when she saw the ratings, she decided to make “Dr. Phil” a regular on her show.

- Kent Wicklander