Earl Ganglia

Earl Ganglia is a retired construction worker who spent most of his life stacking bricks on top of one another. He worked alone, not using any fancy equipment or cement, or working from a plan. He was a master improviser. Unfortunately, while his constructions were often considered to be masterpieces by himself, his clients were seldom as satisfied. Since he used no cement, the bricks did not stay together, nor was a roof possible (he used ONLY bricks, due to the fact that shingles killed his sister – not the affliction shingles, but the kind of shingles that are on roofs). The fact that he did not work from plans meant that the structural integrity of his constructions was very weak. All that aside, for some reason, he was able to sustain himself for at 30 years.

His family life was even less successful than his professional one. He had a one night stand when he was 27, and fathered one daughter. He was not at the birth, because he was in jail after being accused of assault by a Chinese Sasquatch. The rest of his relationships with women occurred in bars, where he would drink excessively, eat chicken wings (if the bar did not serve them, he would bring his own), and shout pickup lines at women that walked by. His entire male-female interaction was composed of the rare occurrences when they would respond (always with loathing).

After he was forced to retire (one of his terrible constructions finally collapsed with people inside, killing a family of 7), he was financially destroyed. He was forced to move in with his daughter who he had never met. She was married and had 3 children, and was not happy to have him mooching off of her. She allowed it however, as she pitied him. He drank beer, ate chicken wings, and watched football games on her television all hours of the day and night, never sleeping or moving. Sometimes her children would want to watch cartoons, but he would drunkenly shoo them away, spitting bits of chicken wings all over them as he did so. Other times they would have company over for a party, but Earl absolutely refused to move, and would indicate this sentiment by screaming. It was suggested that he look for work elsewhere, perhaps as a snowboarding instructor, but he wasn’t interested.

- Kent Wicklander