The Bird-stache

This bird was never a particularly confident gentleman. Born a bird, he was always ashamed of his heritage. Though surrounded by fellow birds, he always felt inadequate. Because of his feelings of inadequacy, he felt he had to compensate by constantly proving himself. He would constantly pick fights with classmates in school, sometimes beating them with lead pipes, and other times eating their eyes. This made him feel good about himself, and the eyes he digested gave him super vision.

With this new confidence and super vision, he was finally able to go out and reach for the stars, and achieve his dreams. His business idea - “Bearns” - was a huge success. This invention was basically a standard bean, but contained within the bean, was a tiny bear. In other words it was a miniaturized adult bear contained in a hollow bean that functioned as an egg for the bear. When ingested, the bears would hatch in the mouth of the person eating them, and they would go wild, attacking the inside of the person’s mouth.

This invention was such an incredible success, he gained enough money to finally finance the plastic surgery he had always wanted, allowing him to remove his beak, and become what he always believed he deserved to be – a very unappealing, unhealthy, and overweight person.