The Great Oil War

As indicated in the image, this bird is relatively large. This bird lived underground for nearly 2000 years before being awoken by an oil rig drilling into the sea floor in Alaska. It caused an earthquake that shook the bird from its slumber and made it furious. The ensuing battle was one for the ages. The workers on the oil rig used their trademark oil cannons (cartoony cannons that fire globs of oil instead of cannon balls), oilthrowers (flamethrowers but with oil instead of fire) and oil grenades (grenades that instead of exploding, leaked oil for about 10 minutes). All of these special oil weapons did injure the bird creature, but one must remember that this bird was no stranger to oil. It ate oil not just for sustenance, but also for a living.

You see, this bird was employed as an official oil taster for the “Tavern on the Green” restaurant in New York before his 2000 year slumber. Unfortunately for the oil workers, having been sleeping underground with a belly full of oil for the past two thousand years had left this bird immune to oil weapons; not only that, but it gave this bird special oil powers. Powers like oil-vision (essentially X-Ray vision, but instead of seeing through anything, the user can see only through oil). This didn’t prove particularly helpful in this particular battle, but it certainly proved useful as the bird’s job as a witch doctor some years later.

In any event, the battle raged for days, with both the bird and the workers bleeding oil from their wounds, mouths, eyes, and pores. In the end, both sides of the battle had gained a measure of respect for each other, and in the end, all shook hands as friends. They are now known as the stupendous crime fighting team the “RSO” – the “Respecting Oil Coalition”.

- Kent Wicklander