Dolphin Corp. Supervisor

A few years ago I worked for a dolphin manufacturing company where we spent a good deal of time researching different methodologies and technologies to create more sophisticated and efficient dolphins. This bird was my supervisor, and he did nothing but hinder the progress of our project, constantly assigning menial tasks to me and cutting down on my time to work on a new specialized dolphin brain-busting technology.

I was forced to perform intern-like tasks, such as fetching coffee and using Legos to build fake sunglasses for squirrels. I had a real problem working under this bird – he seemed to have it out for me for some reason. Eventually, after completing the tasks I was assigned without complaint, he grew frustrated. Apparently, he wanted me to grow frustrated and quit. Left with no other choices, he challenged me to a bear victim contest, in which we would each be mauled by bears, and the survivor would be declared the winner, assuming there is one. When I declined, he became furious, alleging that I was a coward, and vowing to be mauled by a bear in order to prove a point to me and all of his other employees.

His body now resides in one of the great pyramids in eastern Minnesota, and last year my company released the newest in dolphin technology – the DXD9000, a dolphin that not only controls the weather, but also writes movie scripts for very reasonable prices.

- Kent Wicklander